I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
