never play flip cup with pint glasses
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
