you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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