If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
