I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
