The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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