Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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