god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
