Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
