You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
