Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Of course I have a pirate flag
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
