I'm really into asian looking animals
I look better un-naked...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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