remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
