The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
