is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
