I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
