Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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