Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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