last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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