so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
