I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
