That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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