He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
