Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
