it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
