His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
