So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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