People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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