cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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