We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
