put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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