so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
