Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
