so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Randomize
