This girl is more easily done than said...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
