Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
