I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
