i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
