Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
