Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
