sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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