so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
