I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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