I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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