Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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