There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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