sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
