Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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