tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
