it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
