He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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