it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
