I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
