Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
