Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm getting married
To pizza
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
