He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
