How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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