i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize