He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
