I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
