I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
