This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
