there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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