I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
People in love make me want to vomit
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We have so much sex to catch up on
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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