Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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