i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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