Can i not drive my cunt home
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
