i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
