those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
