Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
